thoughts of having your child

At times you are warm- light attracting the attention of a bug 

Caught in a web of love 

Other times it feels as if the bottom has fallen out of the room

Empty- distant- distracted 

At times I have thoughts of having your child

Watching her or him take their first steps- a soft roar of laughter present in the room 

At times you are a different lover- feeling that I, myself, am a child that you are tired of-

nagging at you to love me 

Lack of attention to your words; responses,

or even your touch;

Hollow

At times I think of you as a child- solid and round- in need of affection 

What was your mother like?

What was your father like?

How can you be two people at once? 

At time I contemplate our child,

who will need to be protected,

will also need to be coddled and encouraged,

but what if they come to the other half of you?

The distant and distracted father. The father who’s tongue is incapable of nourishment.

Will I be alone if showing love?

Will we raise a child who is incapable of expressing joy? Of love? Of fear? Of emotions?

ida patton