Fighting to Listen

Our identities are vulnerable and fragile. We are told to fight to be heard but when’s the last time you’ve fought to listen? Wyoming presented me with a stillness so deeply rooted in my core that for once, I didn’t have anything to say.

I sat upon the waters edge. The singsong splash of the water cascading across rock and mud filled my ears and my heart simultaneously.

I breathed in the clarity that only nature brings. I have discovered a profound whisper in the silence of the outdoors. The voice beckons of heart to be silent; to listen to the current without expectation.

The anxious heart  I brought with me into Wyoming was not the girl I left with.

I’ve been thinking a lot about the mirrors we see ourselves in. The false hood of our shallow attempts at authenticity do nothing to cover up our emptiness.

Is it possible to ever truly know someone or our selves for that matter?

At times I find myself questioning my own identity, clinging to anything that gives me purpose. I fall in love with shadows and the glimpses I see of the person I may one day become.

We all reside in this reality where we are two different people. On the left, we are confronted with the reality of the present “me.” On the right side, who we aspire to be. We are all caught somewhere in the middle of who we are and who we want to be.

When we start to idolize our forms, our ambitions and our tomorrows, we deny ourselves happiness in the present tense.

This trip was not only the beginning of my summer, but it was, also in a way, the end of many things. It reminded me that soon I will be heading back to college and that my concept of freedom would soon need to be reevaluated.

I’m learning to be happy in the transitions of life. I’m learning how to be a ‘stayer’ instead of a ‘runner.’ It has not been a quick process, but I am starting to understand that maturity doesn’t equate to leaving when I am no longer happy.

My identity is being cemented in the goodness of The Lord and His gentle leading; Calling my spirit into a season of submission.

So here’s to getting to know ourselves in the midst of transitions.